Great relationships

Relationships are hard! 5 ways to Find and Keep Love

Published On: 01/25/2013Categories: RelationshipsTags: , , , , ,
Great relationships

Relationships are hard! 5 ways to Find and Keep Love

Published On: 01/25/2013Categories: RelationshipsTags: , , , , ,
Relationships are hard

Relationships are a mirror of the self.

…whew, when things aren’t rosy with the relationships in our lives, we truly grasp how important healthy relationships are to this life experience. I don’t know if it is just me, but I’m surprised by how many friends, family or acquaintances are in the midst of a radical relationship change.  In the last week, I have learned of 5 different relationships ending. Perhaps this is indicative of the fact we are sensing there has to be more and we want something better.

Before making a radical change in a relationship which can be impossible to undo, become clear on what it is in your life that really needs changing. Relationships are a mirror. They mirror back to us who we are–and as hard as that is to accept–what we see in the mirror is a reflection of us and not the other.  Taking responsibility for our own happiness can mean change is around the corner. There may be times we have outgrown the “other” in our lives and it may be in the best interests of all concerned to leave the relationship.  Just make sure you are making the decision for the right reasons before jumping off that cliff.

When we have done the inner work and are clear on who we are and what we have to offer another, loving relationships can serve as the foundation for a healthier world. The following definition of relationship is not only possible, but required if we are to live in BLISS.  These 5 shifts will ensure we find and keep love…if that’s what we truly want.  In the future, healthy relationships will be:

Based on preference, not need.

We are each responsible for our own emotions and desires.  We are not on this planet to provide for another or have another “make” us happy.  We will choose to be in relationships because we want to be there, not because we need something from the other or feel we owe something to the other.  This new way of relating will occur between 2 people who are whole unto themselves and are sharing this life journey, not imposing on one another.

We will be centred in self and not self centred.

This new way of relating means we will do what is best for us, but our actions will stem from a healthy way of being centred in self. Responsible self development translates into healthy self love which translates into love for others and love in our relationships. There can be no purposeful hurtful behavior stemming from our actions when we are centred-in-self.

Jealousy doesn’t exist.

Jealousy stems from fear, from our own selfish needs, and from a reliance on another to be “our everything.” When we are jealous, we believe there won’t be enough for us if our “honey” shares with others.  We limit their interactions and limit their opportunity to contribute fully. If I place boundaries on another’s experience, I hinder their growth and place boundaries on their free will.  In this new relationship paradigm, we will be secure enough in our own skin and won’t feel the need to impose our will on others.

There is honesty and responsibility for our own emotions and judgements.

I will use me as an example since I have some experience with this!!  If I am upset about something, that is my emotion and belongs to no one else.  I must take time to reflect and determine where that emotion is coming from.  I may be tired, upset from something which happened at work, coming down with an illness…it could be any number of things. Unless I am mindful, I could take the resulting negative mood and shine that on another.  If someone has indeed done something which has hurt me, I need to make that clear to the other and give an opportunity for them to do better.  If that is not possible and the behavior becomes impossible to live with, I owe it to myself to leave the relationship.

Based on choice, not dogma.

Dogma is the result of other people’s thinking. It could be the churches’ “til death do us part”, our families’ views on the sanctity of marriage or societies’ judgements regarding divorce.  Wherever the dogma comes from, we owe it to our hearts, our souls, our very being to live our own life and not the life anyone dictates for us.  We must choose what is right for us.  If that means leaving a relationship which no longer serves our higher good, we must do so without concern for the dogmatic view of others.

This new way of approaching relationships will not be easy.  We are flying in the face of thousands of years of protocol, but I suggest the way we currently exist in relationships doesn’t work.  Divorce rates are sky rocketing.  Those who stay together are often unhappy and only stay for the kids, or for economics, or as the result of dogma.  This new way of being in relationships will not happen overnight, but I think we should do as Gandhi suggested and

“Be the change we want to see”.

If we work on ourselves so we are the best we can be, we will attract the best into our lives and begin a revolution…a dramatic change in the way we relate to one another and ourselves.

Know thyself! Happiness and abundance is the end product of this heart centred evolution.

Take Care, Paula